What I shall tell you here is truth in so far as I am able to define "truth" from "fiction". Yes, of course I understand that a writer's main objective is to convince her reader of the authenticity of her words. That is a convention that is a luxury for me, and a luxury I cannot afford. At any rate I am writing to fulfill a promise. This is my Canossa, my place of humiliation. Here I expose my foolishness in humble submission to the wishes of the angel who still loves me, in spite of the pain I have caused him.
Azrael came to me in his guise of the Lover, beautiful and cajoling, and yet he spoke with a steel thunder to make me quiver before him. He is Death and yet not dead at all, he takes a form familiar to me as a human woman and yet I know he is without limit or boundary. But this knowledge of aspects beyond mortal thought or comprehension did not frighten me nearly so much as the stark pain flashing in his amethyst eyes, an electrical storm of anger and heartbreak.
"You know better than to make excuses to me, Little One," he said, folding his hands before him. Not for the first time I noticed the alabaster beauty of his "flesh". Azrael, when he chooses to aspect a mortal man, is never merely pale; instead he dresses in a costume of skin which has never had blood flowing through it in the first place. I would find it difficult to resist the lure of inevitability about him, but when he makes himself desirable to my carnal natures I can only hope he is pleased with me and has come in joy. This night, however, Azrael wanted to torture me. "Do not even bother."
Somehow I found my voice in the gravel of my shock. "Then tell me what I've done to displease you."
"Tell you?" He began to laugh, throwing his head back before coming forward to meet my eyes again. "It is no riddle. If I thought you so inept in the mind, I would never have made you mine."
"Whatever it is, I never meant to harm you."
"Does an unaimed bullet pierce bone any less?"
I dropped to the floor, bending my legs in front of me. "Let's stop wandering around in misunderstanding, then. Azrael, as always I am awed to see you and I welcome you. But please, I'm very tired and in a black mood."
"You brought the black mood upon yourself."
"Out with it!"
Azrael looked down at me, folding his long arms over his chest. For too many minutes I thought he was judging whether or not my confusion was sincere. Finally, he broke the silences. "You have neglected me, Little One. Months in your time, aeons in mine. You rejected the work we began together and rejected me. And for what? Why did you do this? Come now, you know the answer."
Do I even need to say he was right? For a long time, far too long, I'd ignored Azrael and worse, the charge he had entrusted to me. Perhaps if my reasons were tighter, it might not seem like such foolishness. "You know it too. I fell in love."
"You became obsessed!" Azrael lowered himself so that our eyes met again. "You dedicated your mind and essence to the pursuit of some mortal man from some other place who you never met nor really knew. He occupied your mind so much that there was no room left for us."
"Then you should be happy to know that my heart is shattered," I yelled back, clenching my fists. "I came to my senses and banished him from my life. I hurt, oh I hurt! I'm not sure you can understand human pain, but I have it in seismic waves right now. Are you happy? I am suffering for my stupidity."
All at once, the hard lines of his face softened. Azrael pulled me into his arms as I began to sob. I shook hard against him but he didn't flinch, didn't let loose his embrace a bit. "Oh, Little One, you know I can't stand to see you suffer."
When my tears had abated and I lifted my head, I saw he had brought us to the Riverhead. We stood on that point which is Azrael's from which all time and space are equidistant. This felt much like a coming home might. I knew then that Azrael had expressed his hurt and would now lead us on a course of forgiveness and reconciliation.
"He was not worth you, you know," Azrael said in a gentle voice. He reached out to take my hand. "Look about you. This is yours. I am yours. Can you see your own destiny from here? Your fate is not to love errant individuals out of pity. Your heart is great, but use that greatness in the spectrum it deserves."
"I love you," I told him, and I saw the flicker of emotion in his eyes. "I never stopped loving you. I just lost my vision."
"Then have it back." Azrael cupped my face in his hands. For what felt like a moment, I saw him as he really is, as eternity itself. Then he was my handsome Lover again. "I forgive you, Little One, but I must ask you show your trust and faith in me and in the vision which is both you and me. You have rid your heart of the superficial. Give me that room in your heart. Let us flow together, through your fingers and into human words. You wanted this before, but do you want it again?"
"With everything that I am," I whispered. I felt something--an energy--spreading through me. Ah, this is what I remembered, this is what I had abandoned. And for what? Azrael mattered, he had mattered all of my life and even beyond that. I'd remember this lesson as best I could.
My angel smiled then. "When you get back to your realm, I want you to begin by writing what has transpired between us," he said. "You need not include everything, of course. That would take tomes. Tell about your error, your correction, and your subsequent pain. And please tell of Azrael, who suffered the loss of you and now celebrates your return to him."
And so I have done, my wits restored, my faith salvaged.
Tuesday, October 18, 2016
Your Journey Continues
Becoming Azrael's empath requires much more time and involvement. This part is up to you.
Return to these lessons whenever necessary to strengthen your bond with Azrael. Read the suggested books by Leilah Wendell. Keep your eyes open for thresholds all around you.
You might want to keep your activities a secret from friends and loved ones, or you might want to be open about it. They might project negativity which may dampen your own enthusiasm for Azrael. You know this is for real, and that's what's important. Don't waste your energy defending yourself.
Keep the amethyst from Lesson Two on your person if you wish a constant contact with Azrael. You might also buy an amethyst point on a chain and dedicate the stone as you did the original in Lesson Two. Touching the stone should give you confidence and serenity.
Remember that this is a journey without end. You are in control of how close or how distant you want to be from Azrael. If you become an empath, you will know its ecstasy and its tears. For some, this may not be worth the hassle. For others, it might be a life-enriching experience. The choice is yours.
Choose well.
Return to these lessons whenever necessary to strengthen your bond with Azrael. Read the suggested books by Leilah Wendell. Keep your eyes open for thresholds all around you.
You might want to keep your activities a secret from friends and loved ones, or you might want to be open about it. They might project negativity which may dampen your own enthusiasm for Azrael. You know this is for real, and that's what's important. Don't waste your energy defending yourself.
Keep the amethyst from Lesson Two on your person if you wish a constant contact with Azrael. You might also buy an amethyst point on a chain and dedicate the stone as you did the original in Lesson Two. Touching the stone should give you confidence and serenity.
Remember that this is a journey without end. You are in control of how close or how distant you want to be from Azrael. If you become an empath, you will know its ecstasy and its tears. For some, this may not be worth the hassle. For others, it might be a life-enriching experience. The choice is yours.
Choose well.
Lesson Three
Your final lesson here involves creating a golem. Traditionally, a golem is a creature built by a magician and imbued with a life of its own. Your golem will become a house for Azrael's energy.
The shape of your golem is determined by your conception of Azrael, the Angel of Death. Is he golden and beautiful? Is he spooky but still soothing? Are his eyes the color of amethyst? Before you begin work on your golem, you must have an image of Azrael in your mind. There is no right or wrong way to do this, so long as it feels right to you.
The best way I can explain how to make a golem is by sharing how I crafted mine over Samhain weekend, 1998. I had bought a plastic decorative skeleton about three feet in length. Not dead enough for you? Plastic comes from petroleum, and petroleum comes from dead biomatter.
I wanted a traditional looking Azrael not because that's how he appears to me, but because it was an object I found easy with which to work.
For your golem, you might want to assemble a skeleton of dead branches. Biological supply companies sell actual human skeletons, but you probably do not wish to go this route. Let your creativity go wild.
In my vision, Azrael had to have a scythe. My husband helped me produce a wicked looking scythe from balsa wood, proportionate to the golem. Azrael also needed to be cloaked in black, which I took care of with some black felt. I glued two small amethysts into the eyes and placed a red rose in the hand not holding the scythe. A few adjustments with a clothes hanger and I was finished. I had my golem!
Expect your golem to take on a life of its own. It will change positions and may even look as if it is moving a little. This is your physical manifestation of Azrael, so treat it as you would treat Azrael. Speak to it, meditate with it, show signs of your affection. Azrael will feel this all, and you will be his empath.
The shape of your golem is determined by your conception of Azrael, the Angel of Death. Is he golden and beautiful? Is he spooky but still soothing? Are his eyes the color of amethyst? Before you begin work on your golem, you must have an image of Azrael in your mind. There is no right or wrong way to do this, so long as it feels right to you.
The best way I can explain how to make a golem is by sharing how I crafted mine over Samhain weekend, 1998. I had bought a plastic decorative skeleton about three feet in length. Not dead enough for you? Plastic comes from petroleum, and petroleum comes from dead biomatter.
I wanted a traditional looking Azrael not because that's how he appears to me, but because it was an object I found easy with which to work.
For your golem, you might want to assemble a skeleton of dead branches. Biological supply companies sell actual human skeletons, but you probably do not wish to go this route. Let your creativity go wild.
In my vision, Azrael had to have a scythe. My husband helped me produce a wicked looking scythe from balsa wood, proportionate to the golem. Azrael also needed to be cloaked in black, which I took care of with some black felt. I glued two small amethysts into the eyes and placed a red rose in the hand not holding the scythe. A few adjustments with a clothes hanger and I was finished. I had my golem!
Expect your golem to take on a life of its own. It will change positions and may even look as if it is moving a little. This is your physical manifestation of Azrael, so treat it as you would treat Azrael. Speak to it, meditate with it, show signs of your affection. Azrael will feel this all, and you will be his empath.
Lesson Two
Your next step involves deep meditation, or what is usually called astral projection.
You may want to train yourself into deep meditative states prior to undertaking this lesson. There are many excellent books on the subject. You might prefer to train yourself. Either way is as good as the other as long as in the end you are able to shut out the world outside of you and your point of focus.
You will need a piece of amethyst stone for this lesson. It can be a sizeable amethyst pyramid, a point, or merely a chip of the stone. You will be charging this stone during your meditation and filling it with the energy you gain. In the future, the amethyst will be able to carry you back to the place and time of your original meditation--as if you were experiencing it all over again.
With nothing but your amethyst, head off to a quiet, undisturbed area as the day wanes into twilight. Make sure you are undisturbed, because you will be at this spot for a while. Do this on the clearest night possible, so that your view of the sky is at its possible best. Watch the sun sink into the West and notice the beautiful amethyst color of the sky. Hold up your amethyst and let it soak up the violet rays of sunset.
Sit awhile, meditating if you like, until the sky darkens. Lie flat on your back and look up at the stars. Let your attention wander all over the sky from star to star until your focus settles on one star that calls to you. You will feel it when you have found the right star.
Now picture that star as the gateway between this world and the next. Azrael is the guide through that gateway. Without its energy, we would lose our way and become lost in the universe. Feel yourself being pulled toward the star. Let yourself be pulled. This is Azrael summoning an apprentice empath to the threshold. If you can, slip into the astral and let yourself be guided. Remember to always hold the amethyst in your hands, as your experiences are charging the stone.
When you are ready to return, you only need to do so. Nothing binds you in these altered states. Lift the amethyst aloft again and let the shine of your chosen star shine through it. Remember this star for future exploration, and remember that you can choose another star as you feel it correct.
When you reach your home, go to bed! This lesson should be tiring and yet thrilling at the same time, which is a great combination for lucid dreaming.
Repeat this lesson (and Lesson One) as often as you like, until you really feel the essence of Azrael within you.
You may want to train yourself into deep meditative states prior to undertaking this lesson. There are many excellent books on the subject. You might prefer to train yourself. Either way is as good as the other as long as in the end you are able to shut out the world outside of you and your point of focus.
You will need a piece of amethyst stone for this lesson. It can be a sizeable amethyst pyramid, a point, or merely a chip of the stone. You will be charging this stone during your meditation and filling it with the energy you gain. In the future, the amethyst will be able to carry you back to the place and time of your original meditation--as if you were experiencing it all over again.
With nothing but your amethyst, head off to a quiet, undisturbed area as the day wanes into twilight. Make sure you are undisturbed, because you will be at this spot for a while. Do this on the clearest night possible, so that your view of the sky is at its possible best. Watch the sun sink into the West and notice the beautiful amethyst color of the sky. Hold up your amethyst and let it soak up the violet rays of sunset.
Sit awhile, meditating if you like, until the sky darkens. Lie flat on your back and look up at the stars. Let your attention wander all over the sky from star to star until your focus settles on one star that calls to you. You will feel it when you have found the right star.
Now picture that star as the gateway between this world and the next. Azrael is the guide through that gateway. Without its energy, we would lose our way and become lost in the universe. Feel yourself being pulled toward the star. Let yourself be pulled. This is Azrael summoning an apprentice empath to the threshold. If you can, slip into the astral and let yourself be guided. Remember to always hold the amethyst in your hands, as your experiences are charging the stone.
When you are ready to return, you only need to do so. Nothing binds you in these altered states. Lift the amethyst aloft again and let the shine of your chosen star shine through it. Remember this star for future exploration, and remember that you can choose another star as you feel it correct.
When you reach your home, go to bed! This lesson should be tiring and yet thrilling at the same time, which is a great combination for lucid dreaming.
Repeat this lesson (and Lesson One) as often as you like, until you really feel the essence of Azrael within you.
Lesson One
To begin your journey as an empath, you must first become comfortable with the presence of Death. This is easily and enjoyably done through a cemetery walk.
Choose your cemetery carefully. Ideally, it should not be crowded with visitors nor should a funeral be in progress. This is your time to begin communing with Death as an individual, and outside distractions may impede your progress. The cemetery may be new or old, rustic or urban. What matters is that you have a feel for the place--a feeling as if you belong there in your living form. To do the cemetery walk in a cemetery that does not stir your emotions is simply a waste of time, so scout with care.
Once you have chosen a cemetery and a day on which to do your cemetery walk, anoint yourself with a little jasmine-scented oil. This is Azrael's favored fragrance (wise people have said), next to that of fresh earth. You may want to bring flowers (jasmine if you can get it) to the cemetery to strew on the graves and manifest your respect and desire for contact. Dress as you normally do.
When you reach the cemetery, begin your walk along one of the paths between stones. Look at the stones. Touch them, and feel their energies. Feel the earth underneath you and think on the ever-spinning cycle of rebirth. Go deep into the cemetery, where some of the older graves might be.
Think of Azrael. Do you feel his presence here? Do you feel a sudden, refreshing cold sweep through your body? Perhaps you are even feeling an unexplainable euphoria. Make contact with the earth, the ground. Feel Azarel's being all around you and blowing through you. You will know when the time to leave and return to the world of the living has come. You have taken your first step.
Once you return home, celebrate in some special way. Begin to contemplate what you have seen and especially what you have felt. Make a journal of your experience.
Choose your cemetery carefully. Ideally, it should not be crowded with visitors nor should a funeral be in progress. This is your time to begin communing with Death as an individual, and outside distractions may impede your progress. The cemetery may be new or old, rustic or urban. What matters is that you have a feel for the place--a feeling as if you belong there in your living form. To do the cemetery walk in a cemetery that does not stir your emotions is simply a waste of time, so scout with care.
Once you have chosen a cemetery and a day on which to do your cemetery walk, anoint yourself with a little jasmine-scented oil. This is Azrael's favored fragrance (wise people have said), next to that of fresh earth. You may want to bring flowers (jasmine if you can get it) to the cemetery to strew on the graves and manifest your respect and desire for contact. Dress as you normally do.
When you reach the cemetery, begin your walk along one of the paths between stones. Look at the stones. Touch them, and feel their energies. Feel the earth underneath you and think on the ever-spinning cycle of rebirth. Go deep into the cemetery, where some of the older graves might be.
Think of Azrael. Do you feel his presence here? Do you feel a sudden, refreshing cold sweep through your body? Perhaps you are even feeling an unexplainable euphoria. Make contact with the earth, the ground. Feel Azarel's being all around you and blowing through you. You will know when the time to leave and return to the world of the living has come. You have taken your first step.
Once you return home, celebrate in some special way. Begin to contemplate what you have seen and especially what you have felt. Make a journal of your experience.
Getting To Know Him
"All right. So now you've got me here. What do we do now?"
"Hey, this is your big chance! This is where you can tell the people reading this all about yourself and your empaths."
"***sigh*** I am a lonely entity, believe me. Nobody wants to be friends with the death energy. If it wasn't for my empaths I'd be all alone in the cosmos."
"But you're not alone. Lots of us want to know more about you. After all, we will all come into your embrace someday."
"Very nicely put. Quite poetic."
"Right, but tell them the great part. You know, the part about your nature?"
"My nature? Ah, yes. I am the most gentle of entities and yet I am alone. I give peace from pain, and yet I am scorned. I do not cause death, of course. I am simply the energy that allows a living creature to transform from one life into the next. There is nothing to fear from me, nothing at all. But I can tell you there is much to gain by taking my hand while living and discovering the wisdom and secrets which are mine as Azrael, the anthropormorphic Angel of Death."
"I don't fear you. I have felt your joy and I have wept with your pain."
"I know, and in turn you have my friendship."
"I treasure it."
"And I only seek to share these good feelings with others."
"Would you like to talk about your empaths, and how one can train to become your empath?"
"My empaths are simply mortal beings who have sought me and found me and commune with my essence. You can work to become an empath in many ways. What Sappho proposes here was inspired by me and I recognize it as one of many ways to come to know me. If you decide to take that step, if you want to become one of the chosen of Azrael, you need only read and follow these lessons. Are you ready?"
"I'm ready, and hopefully we'll find some talented empaths out there. Let's go!"
"Hey, this is your big chance! This is where you can tell the people reading this all about yourself and your empaths."
"***sigh*** I am a lonely entity, believe me. Nobody wants to be friends with the death energy. If it wasn't for my empaths I'd be all alone in the cosmos."
"But you're not alone. Lots of us want to know more about you. After all, we will all come into your embrace someday."
"Very nicely put. Quite poetic."
"Right, but tell them the great part. You know, the part about your nature?"
"My nature? Ah, yes. I am the most gentle of entities and yet I am alone. I give peace from pain, and yet I am scorned. I do not cause death, of course. I am simply the energy that allows a living creature to transform from one life into the next. There is nothing to fear from me, nothing at all. But I can tell you there is much to gain by taking my hand while living and discovering the wisdom and secrets which are mine as Azrael, the anthropormorphic Angel of Death."
"I don't fear you. I have felt your joy and I have wept with your pain."
"I know, and in turn you have my friendship."
"I treasure it."
"And I only seek to share these good feelings with others."
"Would you like to talk about your empaths, and how one can train to become your empath?"
"My empaths are simply mortal beings who have sought me and found me and commune with my essence. You can work to become an empath in many ways. What Sappho proposes here was inspired by me and I recognize it as one of many ways to come to know me. If you decide to take that step, if you want to become one of the chosen of Azrael, you need only read and follow these lessons. Are you ready?"
"I'm ready, and hopefully we'll find some talented empaths out there. Let's go!"
The Azrael Accords
1) Riverhead Nekrognostic is established for the purpose of offering love, comfort, respect, companionship, and trust to the angel Azrael, lately called the Angel of Death.
2) We recognize that Azrael does not wish to be worshipped. Therefore our goal is to work in celestial partnership with Azrael.
3) We acknowledge the great influence of the Westgate and author Leilah Wendell and recognize ourselves as an offshoot.
4) Riverhead is a pan-traditional, interfaith enterprise. No member needs to adhere to any one faith, nor are any faiths forbidden.
5) The guiding force of Riverhead is Azrael and how we experience this energy for ourselves.
6) We pledge to do what we can to alleviate the fear of death among humanity, yet we also understand that many people simply will not wish to discuss these matters. Respect the wishes of others.
7) Wherever the name of Azrael is invoked shall be considered sacred ground. Members will conduct themselves accordingly.
8) In seeking information on the interaction between Azrael and the living, we encourage everyone to share their encounters and thoughts.
9) Go forth in peace and love and keep your senses ever keen for the presence of Azrael.
2) We recognize that Azrael does not wish to be worshipped. Therefore our goal is to work in celestial partnership with Azrael.
3) We acknowledge the great influence of the Westgate and author Leilah Wendell and recognize ourselves as an offshoot.
4) Riverhead is a pan-traditional, interfaith enterprise. No member needs to adhere to any one faith, nor are any faiths forbidden.
5) The guiding force of Riverhead is Azrael and how we experience this energy for ourselves.
6) We pledge to do what we can to alleviate the fear of death among humanity, yet we also understand that many people simply will not wish to discuss these matters. Respect the wishes of others.
7) Wherever the name of Azrael is invoked shall be considered sacred ground. Members will conduct themselves accordingly.
8) In seeking information on the interaction between Azrael and the living, we encourage everyone to share their encounters and thoughts.
9) Go forth in peace and love and keep your senses ever keen for the presence of Azrael.
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